on the subject of goodbyes

i'm really bad at saying goodbye. a lot of times i find goodbyes to be awkward and slightly unpleasant. especially when it comes to saying goodbye to andrew. even when i know i'm going to see him in a few hours at dinner or whenever, i just cannot let him go. i cling to him and hold him tightly as he laughs at me and tells me to go away. and now i have to prepare for the second most painful goodbye of my life thus far. the first was when i was 14 and i had to bid my best friend goodbye as she and her family moved across the country to montana. the night before they left, we stayed up until 2am and woke up at 5:30am. we saw the sunrise together. we hugged a lot, but neither of us cried. 

this second goodbye will occur in january. probably january 1st. i will be getting on a plane to visit oregon for about a week, and while i'm gone, andrew will board another plane headed for a much farther away (and more dreamy) place...england. he won't be gone long, just a semester, but it will be difficult nonetheless. i already feel like crying. of course he is too distracted now by application things to be sad, and when he gets there, he will be surrounded by so many crazy amazing things, he'll probably hardly miss me at all. but here i will be, at school...where i met him and where we have spent so many good times. i will be surrounded by great, great memories of him.

well, i guess this is what happens when i find myself a brilliant, ambitious man...he decides to spend a semester in england. the day of his departure is approaching fast...january 6th. and he won't be returning until april 13th or so. of course that really isn't that horrible. we can make it. but i'm still sad.

so, as i'm preparing to say this goodbye, i can't quite figure out how i'm supposed to act. i know the time is coming fast, so i want to spend as much time as i can with him. but at the same time, i cannot neglect my friends, who will truly be my support system while he's across the pond. plus, at this point he's more concerned about getting his papers in then about how we should spend these next few months. so then i just appear goofy when i want to spend all my time with him.

so now i need to practice saying goodbye. and letting go. i'm so, so happy for him that he gets to be over there. i just wish i could go with him. i'm not trying to sound melancholy...in fact i really am not in the least. but i am a tad concerned about that day. but for now, i'm just not going to think about it. i'm going to love this beautiful life and really just live in the moment. because these moments are too precious.

on a completely different note, i am going to blog more (promise, promise). i am currently reading the flipside of feminism. as of page 8, i am still not sure what to think of it, but i am becoming increasingly more skeptical as i read. i do fully intend to read the whole thing, however, but i will be keeping a running list of the things that seem strange to me. hopefully every few days i can update you here, just to keep track of my thoughts.

holy cow. it's super dark outside and it is only 7pm.
today was the first frost.
i so love this time of year.
the colors.
the crisp air.
the smells.
the food.
deeeeelightful :)

i am yours

"She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was a union that must have been to the advantage of both. By her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved, and from his judgment, information and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance."
-Pride and Prejudice

some pictures of nice things

school starts soon. in fact i will be moving in on saturday. lots of packing to do. mom and i mapped out the bus route that i will be taking this year as i go from school to panera and back several times a week. it was really interesting and eye-opening, especially since it was preceded by handing out food for the food bank. i will be learning a lot this year, as well as overcoming a lot of silly and irrational fears. i am really excited to see what the next few months will bring.

since i really need to be packing rather than blogging, i will leave you now, with a few pictures of beautiful/interesting/strange things that i own. p.s...the item in the final picture is of no use to me. if you are interested in owning it, please contact me ASAP.

batman and his handy sidekick robin...on a pillowcase. i am a huge fan of the batman, so when my brother saw this at a garage sale for 25 cents, he was kind as can be and bought it for me :)

this is zachary quinto. there's not much else i can say about him. if you are unable to recognize his beauty, then shame on you.

ma bling. i honestly forgot that i owned this until about 5 minutes ago. i guess my sister was sick of having some of my things lying around her room, so she gave me some things to sort through. this was amongst those things. i have never used it once. i think i bought it to be ironical. i should do something with it. but it is more likely that i will be rid of it. oh whell.

dental care, part 1

went to the dentist today. the lovely lady numbed the left side of my mouth about a million times and then proceeded to clean out two huge cavities. both of these cavities were getting pretty cozy with my tooth nerve, so it was dreadfully uncomfortable despite the anesthetic. now we wait for me to heal. and we pray. if i heal well, then all is good and great. if i do not heal well and begin to experience unbearable pain when the numbness wears off, that means that my cavity was just getting too cozy to my nerve, which means...root canal! 

i'll be visiting her again on friday to fix up a teeny cavity on another tooth. hopefully i will not be there to schedule a root canal as well! 

chicago, illinois.
this was so beautiful, and it really spoke to me, especially since the word that my eyes are drawn to most readily is the word "peace".
lovely, lovely and lovely.
more posts to come :)