i'm really bad at saying goodbye. a lot of times i find goodbyes to be awkward and slightly unpleasant. especially when it comes to saying goodbye to andrew. even when i know i'm going to see him in a few hours at dinner or whenever, i just cannot let him go. i cling to him and hold him tightly as he laughs at me and tells me to go away. and now i have to prepare for the second most painful goodbye of my life thus far. the first was when i was 14 and i had to bid my best friend goodbye as she and her family moved across the country to montana. the night before they left, we stayed up until 2am and woke up at 5:30am. we saw the sunrise together. we hugged a lot, but neither of us cried.
this second goodbye will occur in january. probably january 1st. i will be getting on a plane to visit oregon for about a week, and while i'm gone, andrew will board another plane headed for a much farther away (and more dreamy) place...england. he won't be gone long, just a semester, but it will be difficult nonetheless. i already feel like crying. of course he is too distracted now by application things to be sad, and when he gets there, he will be surrounded by so many crazy amazing things, he'll probably hardly miss me at all. but here i will be, at school...where i met him and where we have spent so many good times. i will be surrounded by great, great memories of him.
well, i guess this is what happens when i find myself a brilliant, ambitious man...he decides to spend a semester in england. the day of his departure is approaching fast...january 6th. and he won't be returning until april 13th or so. of course that really isn't that horrible. we can make it. but i'm still sad.
so, as i'm preparing to say this goodbye, i can't quite figure out how i'm supposed to act. i know the time is coming fast, so i want to spend as much time as i can with him. but at the same time, i cannot neglect my friends, who will truly be my support system while he's across the pond. plus, at this point he's more concerned about getting his papers in then about how we should spend these next few months. so then i just appear goofy when i want to spend all my time with him.
so now i need to practice saying goodbye. and letting go. i'm so, so happy for him that he gets to be over there. i just wish i could go with him. i'm not trying to sound melancholy...in fact i really am not in the least. but i am a tad concerned about that day. but for now, i'm just not going to think about it. i'm going to love this beautiful life and really just live in the moment. because these moments are too precious.
on a completely different note, i am going to blog more (promise, promise). i am currently reading the flipside of feminism. as of page 8, i am still not sure what to think of it, but i am becoming increasingly more skeptical as i read. i do fully intend to read the whole thing, however, but i will be keeping a running list of the things that seem strange to me. hopefully every few days i can update you here, just to keep track of my thoughts.
holy cow. it's super dark outside and it is only 7pm.
today was the first frost.
i so love this time of year.
the colors.
the crisp air.
the smells.
the food.
deeeeelightful :)
